(I Can't Sing) Cabaret

from Tubular Socks by Kevin Calaway and the Bonktunes Orchestra

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lyrics

I'm a singer
I'm a showman
Check my top hat
I'm like a snowman
Big white and careless
I couldn't care less
But I can't sing cabaret!

I am more than just a storyteller
I much prefer the title raconteur
But I can't sing better than any other fellow
And I can't sing cabaret

I can do what I want
And I do what I want
No authority holds any power over me
It's a free country so that leaves me
Free pleasing as I please, being what I be
I'm my own dad now
I'm the president of me
But I can't sing cabaret

Oh, what lovely eyes I have
Oh, how chiseled my chinny-chin-chin
I'm certain I'm just born with it
I'm straight Top 40, I'm inny-inny-in
All the boys want to be me
And the girls want to be me
And I can't sing cabaret

Yeah, uh-huh, word up
When I'm grooving in the jungle
Urban jungle where I'm living
And I'm fighting with the monkeys
'Cause I ain't banana-giving
Got my morals, got my standards
But a man has got to eat
And the diet that I'm used to's
Lobster tail, Kobe beef
I could never deign to Cheetos
Eat McDonald's? That's absurd
A man who's reached my status
Breaks McDonald's at a word
But I've far too much integrity
It's pointless anyway
For for all my many talents I just can't sing cabaret

Wah, wah, wah, wah, I hate fun
I'm unhappy and other uns.
There's nothing for me under the sun
And what's worse? I just can't sing cabaret

Do you ever feel like no one understands you?
I feel that way quite often, it's a problem
Just like any other, I've desires to relate
But I can't sing cabaret

I'm a singer
I'm a showman
Check my jacket
I'm like a strawman
All loose and happy
My arms are flappy
And I can't sing anyway

credits

from Tubular Socks, released April 26, 2017

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about

Kevin Calaway Seattle, Washington

I could while away the hours conferring with the flowers, consulting with the rain - but who has time for that? I regulate my mood with musical catharsis and publish my diary on the internet for the whole world to hear, wearing my heart and my influences on my sleeve like a man who really needs to do laundry. ... more

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