Merry Bonksongs

by Kevin Calaway

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about

MERRY BONKSONGS CONTEST:

As you can tell, I can't sing, or play instruments. I can play bass guitar but bass guitar + MIDI everything else sounds even awfuller, so you get MIDI everything + me singing. This is bad.

The problem is, I like the songs. So I'm holding a CONTEST of sorts, where I am challenging people to PLAY MY SONGS because you'll play them better than I can.

PDF SHEET MUSIC has been added as a bonus to my Merry Bonksongs EP for the purposes of the contest. To get it, simply download the EP. If you already bought it, you don't have to buy it again. That's how name your price stuff works. Just say you don't want to pay for it. It's ok. I won't judge you.

Q: Why does the sheet music for "Spring Fever" say "Downtown Conquest" on it?
A: From the liner notes of "Merry Bonktunes": "The filename for this one is "Downtown Conquest" and I can never decide which name I like better." The program I'm working with, Finale NotePad, doesn't allow you to change the name of your piece after you create the file (at least, to my knowledge). When I created the piece, "Downtown Conquest" was the working title, and that has been phased out.

Q: Why does the sheet music for "She's a Housewife Now" say "Romeo & Julietville" and also doesn't match the arrangement and structure of the song?
A: From "Merry Bonktunes": "It's a common theme that songs I write for girls turn into songs I write about girls and vice versa. This is an extended version of a song I wrote for an ex." I used Audacity to basically chop and screw "Romeo & Julietville" after I wrote it, resulting in "She's a Housewife Now." The rearrangement isn't very complicated and no new music was written for it.

Q: Why isn't the music articulated correctly? Shouldn't the accelerando in "Heartbeat (RAW and Beating)" be marked?
A: Finale NotePad is difficult to work with and I'm lazy. That's the short answer. You can hear the accelerando just fine. Go with your gut. Instrumental versions of all songs (with the exception of "Do the White Kid") can be found on Merry Bonktunes if you want to get a better listen.

Q: Why isn't the time change and/or key change in "Danielle", "Taken/Friend", or "Heartbeat (RAW and Beating)" noted correctly? You just threw in random triplets and sharps/flats.
A: Again, Finale NotePad is a pain to work with, and like the titles of the piece, once you pick a time and a key, you're stuck with it. (You can change the key, but you can only change the key of the whole piece at once, which won't do me any favors.)

Q: Why aren't the vocal melodies there?
A: Take a wild guess (hint: it starts with an "I'm lazy" and ends with a "Finale NotePad is difficult to work with."

Q: How am I supposed to read these drum beats?
A: With your ears.

Q: Wait, so basically, you just threw random, poorly transcribed, pseudomanuscripts at me and called it sheet music?
A: Yeah. Wanna fight me, punk?

Q: Yes. Yes, that's exactly what I want to do. You promised me sheet music. Not... this...
A: That's not a question.

Good luck x 2!

I'm looking into getting a dropbox of sorts to accept submissions. Stay tuned!

credits

released January 30, 2014

Everything by Kevin Calaway

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Kevin Calaway Seattle, Washington

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Track Name: Radical
You say I can have your lips
But I have to beg, trading shame for kiss
Either way I can never have your heart
You said that you couldn’t see
It was meant to be, I wanted it to be
I knew you knew it wasn’t from the start
“You’re a good man,” you said to me
“For any of the other liars,
But you’re not who I think I need;
I’ve a spark but not a fire.”

You toss me left and you toss me right
I won’t go gentle into the night
You’re like a storm upon my shore
And I won’t let you stop till you give me more
And I’m a shipwreck on a beach
Sunken treasure out of reach
Weathered by winds so
Radical

I never thought I’d feel like this
On my knees again, trading shame for kiss
But the way you make me feel I can’t describe
Let’s work a little deal out,
The first one’s free if I make you shout
Hey, begging’s just as easy as a bribe
“It’s time that you got over me,”
I probably should just forget her
“But I still need you, can’t you see?
There’s no friend I like better.”

You toss me left and you toss me right
I won’t go gentle into the night
You’re like a storm upon my shore
And I won’t let you stop till you give me more
And I’m a shipwreck on a beach
Sunken treasure out of reach
Weathered by winds so
Radical

Break-ups are supposed to hurt
And the first is worst… the first is worst?
So that means things will get much better, right?
I never thought it would last forever
Just more than never
But I guess it’s time to kiss this heart goodnight

Don’t you see you’re breaking my heart?
Getting drunk off capri suns
Till she blacks out

You toss me left and you toss me right
I won’t go gentle into the night
You’re like a storm upon my shore
And I won’t let you stop till you give me more
And I’m a shipwreck on a beach
Sunken treasure out of reach
Weathered by winds so
Radical

She said I could still be her friend
But she said the fling would have to end
How could I possibly get over this?
I should have begged for just one kiss…
Track Name: Danielle
You know so well
I loved you, Danielle
Any fool can tell
I loved you, Danielle

But the nights I lay
In my bed awake
As I told my tears
They’d soon go away
I didn’t love them the way I wanted to
And I’m glad you’re gone ‘cuz the nightmares are too

So good-bye, Danielle (good riddance, babe)
I’m wishing you well (good riddance, babe)
I’ll see you in time (good riddance, babe)
But right now, good-bye

Cuz I see you’re fine
With some other guy
And it’s good to know
That you’re still alive
But you’re killing yourself just to please the dude
Like I killed myself just to be with you

You said it was a slap to the face
Well you and me, both, baby

You know so well
I loved you, Danielle
Any fool can tell
I loved you, Danielle

Has it really been eleven months
Since you bumped me off and you said we’re done?
Man, it feels like eleven years
Since I held your hand and I called you dear
I guess I truly am a fortunate pup
‘Cuz you’re out of my life, that’s a spot of good luck
Think of all the good times we had
Like I opened my mouth, you were instantly mad
On a scale to ten, you said I was the one
I prefer my games when they’re actually fun
Babe, I wonder how we started to be
Because it feels so right now my heart is free
Take back the promises, take back the gifts
You can pawn ‘em and go see a psychiatrist
‘Cuz you need one, babe. Are we good? All right, good.

Good-bye, Danielle
I’m wishing you well
I’ll see you in time
But right now, good-bye

You said it was a slap to the face
Well you and me, both, baby
Track Name: Spring Fever
When the sun comes out I lose the ability
To think straight
To think straight
When the sun comes out I lose the ability
To think straight
To think straight
You’ve got yourself up in my head
My heart beats hard, my brain is dead
And everything I start to dread
Has already been said
When the sun comes out I lose the ability
To think straight
To think straight
When the sun comes out I lose the ability
To think straight
To think straight

Spring break

The sweat breaks over my brow
The last thing that I need right now
Tell me some way tell me how
I can deal with this right now
I’m sippin’ on iced tea
I’m contemplatin’ me
I’m losing sanity
I’m rhyming constantly
I’m finding a way to make the good weather last
I’m out in the sun and I’m having a blast
But I know on the inside, my heart’s overcast
In the blink of an eye, everything is gone fast

When the sun comes out I lose the ability
To think straight
To think straight
When the sun comes out I lose the ability
To think straight
To think straight
You’ve got yourself up in my brain
Please wash it out, bring back the rain
You’ve left me in a world of pain
You’re driving me insane
When the sun comes out I lose the ability
To think straight
To think straight
When the sun comes out I lose the ability
To think straight
To think straight

Spring break

The sun shakes my spirits up
I tried to stop it but I’m falling in love
I brace myself, I keep it tough
But deep inside I’m falling in love
I’m slippin’ off Earth now
I’m sellin’ my cash cow
I’m shippin’ to Moscow
I’m takin’ my last bow
I’m ready to just call it a day
I’m ready to storm in and demand my pay
I’m ready to call my life a state of decay
I’m ready to crush it all just like clay

When the sun comes out I lose the ability
To think straight
To think straight
When the sun comes out I lose the ability
To think straight
To think straight
Spring fever
Track Name: True Love
This is a song about jealousy and frustration
It’s called “True Love”

I
Am just a guy
What makes me me?
What makes me I?
What makes me feel the need to have somebody by my side?

Happiness is more a state of mind
But it’s so hard to find
Once you have glimpsed true love
Friendly faces, none of them for me
What can I believe
If I can’t know true love?

Mark
The passing days
When I can’t taste
The final craze
Is jealousy supposed to be some passing phase?

Happiness is more a state of mind
But it’s so hard to find
Once you have glimpsed true love
Friendly faces, none of them for me
What can I believe
If I can’t know true love?
Your Mr. Right is such an excellent
Show of the merriment
That I’ve been dreaming of
Should I try to find someone to have my heart
Ere I perfect the art
Of understanding love?

Find
Me someone new
So I can see
That love is true
So I can tell that it’s not only there for you

Happiness is more a state of mind
But it’s so hard to find
Once you have glimpsed true love
Friendly faces, none of them for me
What can I believe
If I can’t know true love?
Jealousy is such a deadly sin
I know that I won’t win
With or without true love
But I feel so strange, oh yes I’m getting weak
Give me a chance to speak
I need to know true love
Track Name: Taken/Friend
(I don’t wanna fall, I don’t wanna fall) x4
I’m falling in love
But I don’t want to be
I’m captivated, I’m taken
But so is she
This crush won’t seem to bend
But she already /has a boyfriend/
I’m falling in love
But I don’t want to be

I don’t wanna fall, I don’t wanna fall
So no more waiting for late night telephone calls
No more manning up, no more grow some balls
No more wanking in public restroom stalls

This girl has got me at the end of a wire
And she don’t know but my heart’s a-fire
But I’m the only one whose heart is free
She’s taken
But not by me.

I’m a stranger to love
But this is the real thing
I feel it inside
I want to be her king
You know I’d kill to make her smile
But killing won’t make her smile
I’m a stranger to love
But this is the real thing

I don’t wanna fall, I don’t wanna fall
So no more shopping for gifts at the shopping mall
No more trying to muster up the gall
No more trying, I’m gonna stop once and for all

This girl has got me at the end of a wire
And she don’t know but my heart’s a-fire
But I’m the only one whose heart is free
She’s taken
But not by me.

She loves me
She needs me
She always wants to be by my side
She tells me
I please her
Yeah, for her there is no other guy

Except her boyfriend.

I see her
I want her
I’d like to ask her out on a date
She loves you
She needs you
You’ll never be more than friendmates
Track Name: She's a Housewife Now
She left her home to win a shiny, new adventure
Free as a bird, the kind that can’t be chained
She got a job, albeit one with nothing ventured
Felt unfulfilled, like she had nothing gained
She told her family, I’ll be the one who’s different
I’ll make a life for me, I’ll never be tied down
She had a dream to is but now she isn’t
That’s fine with her because she’s a housewife now

She passed her classes like a straight-C student
And always hoping that they won’t be B’s
She lived Silvertide’s idea of prudent
Unlocked the door and threw away the keys
I bet she’s saying, aren’t we glad we waited
Three-hundred seconds was more than she could allow
Her life’s ambitions have been finally consummated
And she’ll die happy because she’s a housewife now
Track Name: Do the White Kid
Do the White Kid
Show us what you got
What time is it?
It's party time!
Are you deaf?
It's time to do the White Kid!
Track Name: Heartbeat (RAW and Beating)
The sixth of November is coming so quickly
You’ve wrestled the thought down now of being with me
You’ve met a nice rags doll he’s hot and he’s cold
And his martial arts training, you’re caught in his hold
Because he’s the one
And it all comes crashing down in your

Face over heels, you’re trapped in the corner
No ring in his future, he turns now to torture
He’ll touch you, he’ll touch her, he’ll touch her all over
‘Cuz you still don’t know him the way that he knows her
And you’re calling mayday as he’s making headway
You know that your love just like wrestling’s fabe and kay
But you’re the one
And it all comes crashing down in your face

What happened to forever
What happened to never
Forgetting the signs
You were meant to be together
I’m green, he’s a veteran
I’m green again, natch,
Not as green as your nails make me
With the sound of their scratch
And it all comes crashing down in my face